disaster week

last week was very tiring. aunt was admitted in hospital. she had brain cancer. so since doctors had already given her 3 months to live, she went with her daughter and nephew to china i think. and when she came back, she had a fall and got admitted into the hospital. visited her on sunday. i just hate to go into the icu rooms. i hate to see people fighting to live. i hate to feel death lingering in every corner. and so i did see her. she was on the life support thing. which means that without the machine thing, she was dead. so it was a matter of time she passed away. i felt to bad for her children. then of course we did a little prayer in the icu room. then i went off to church to many questions on my mind. i know that i have no idea to ask why things happen this way but i am only human and i was really confused and began to ask questions. so church was like all so bad for me that day. i was like crying non-stop asking stupid questions and demanding answers from God.

monday was like no better. wanted to visit aunt but mum said it was really way too crowded there and thus i did not go to the hospital. i had a restless heart. i felt like i had lost something. tuesday, grandma had to go to hospital for checkup. again had to go to the hospital. and my aunt passed away.
wednesday was all about preparing for hids birthday. went to the bottle tree park to check out the place and then went to school and headed back home for a proper rest. but again, i was not allowed to rest as i had to plan many things.
thursday was hid's birthday. had a few quarrels with friends cause i hated it when i had to clean up the mess when things go wrong. and i really lost my temper. but it was good fun when cara and elaine and the rest of BR with Pam. and thursday was also my granny's major operation. i could not go because of the bd celebration. and after the bd celebration, when i wanted to go to the hospital, mummy called me and asked me to go home instead.
friday, funeral for aunt. i refused to go. many said i was stubborn not to go and pay my respects. but i knew myself and i knew i could not go. i was not at peace. if i were to go there, know i will make a mess up. i will begin to ask questions and i will lose faith. so i did not go there. and i went home with a unsettled mind and i tried to keep my mind on happy things but failed miserably. i was almost torn apart by friday cause i had so many things going on around me and i had no one to tell it to. so i told it to the one who always listens. i poured my heart inside out and i felt better. like so much better.

thank God saturday and sunday were like much better.